I'm safe and OK. My dad will protect me if something goes wrong.
How I came to be sitting on a dark, isolated mountain ridge in the early morning hours isn't a remarkable story. My dad and I were hunting for raccoons and our dogs, catching a deer's scent, took off on a wild romp though the forest. So they wouldn't get lost, Dad had to get to them quick. My 12-year-old legs couldn't keep up, so he asked me to sit alone on a log for a few minutes while he went on. It was dark, and we were miles from civilization.
I was scared.
"I'll be just over that line of trees, and for only a few minutes. Sit here with your light on, and I'll be back in about 15 or 20 minutes."
And I knew every word he said was true. I knew he'd come back exactly as he said. I knew he'd get the wild dogs back on the right track. I knew I'd be safe.
He said it, so I believed it.
I grew up believing my father could do anything. Smart and curious, he knew at least something about most things. He could fix anything that was broken. He had just the right advice for every uncomfortable situation. He was strong and could always protect us. It's not that he proved he could do those things -- I never saw him in a fight, for example. Simply, because he was my father I believed he could overcome any obstacle.
You know that belief.
The problem with that belief is that I grew up measuring myself against my dad, defining my life milestones as successes or failures based on how I thought my dad would have done in those same situations. And like most people struggling through their teens and twenties -- and hell, even longer if I'm honest-- there were lots of failures.
A lifetime of moments where I felt small compared to my dad, knowing he would have handled the same situation I faced with more strength and grace than did I.
The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected), a Netflix original written and directed by Noah Baumbach, dissects the belief most kids have about their fathers. Through small vignettes -- because that's what life really is, isn't it? -- the film examines from each perspective the relationship between a father and his three children. Starring Adam Sandler (I promise, it's his best dramatic performance ever), Ben Stiller (solid in a non-comedic role), Dustin Hoffman, and Elizabeth Marvel, Meyerowitz Stories deconstructs the existential angst sometimes experienced by the adult children of heroic fathers. Forced to recognize the personal and professional shortcomings of their larger-than-life father, the three Meyerowitz siblings are faced with realities about their own lives, and how the relationship each had with his or her father was integral to their life choices.
Perhaps, they discover, their father wasn't as confident, heroic, or successful as they perceived him to be as children. And if so, perhaps their assessments of their own lives aren't accurate, either.
I believed, during every moment of my childhood and into early adulthood, that my father could overcome any obstacle he faced. What I didn't consider is: did he believe the same?
