Miami Vice, which stars Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx as the central characters from the hit TV show, succeeds in one area: it makes the 1980s police drama seem brilliant by comparison.
Vice follows modern-day Crockett and Tubbs as they go deep undercover to bust up an international drug operation. Along the way they struggle through personal emergencies, romantic relationships, sexual relationships, double crossing drug lords and members of the Aryian Nation.
Really, this movie is just God-awful. So bad, in fact, that I've created my list of:
Top 5 Reasons I Hated Miami Vice
5. The movie has no real sense of urgency. I expected, at least, a Bad Boys rip-off, with lots of bombs, guns, explosions and action. Vice had almost none of that. The pace was slow, and the characters seemed monotone and dull;
4. Farrell and Foxx never raised their voices above a moderate level whisper. Farrell, especially, seemed able to growl in a menacing way without really raising his voice. They were going for the brooding cool vibe. It fell flat;
3. The editing seemed haphazard. I never knew if the action was taking place in Miami, Havana, Geneva or some South American country. The characters were in all these places at some point, and it made following the action difficult;
2. The dialogue was too inside and full of shortcuts for me to follow easily. For example, two characters must have said "Give me the lats and the longs" three times before I figured out what was meant. I just ain't that bright;
1. All the characters were stereotypes. The cops were stereotypes, as were the white supremacist and the Columbian drug lords. None seemed to have any real depth.
A bonus reason I hated this film: During the previews my knee hit the back of a chair in front of me. The woman looked back, scowled, raised forward then violently threw herself back into the chair so that she smashed against my knee. I just had to talk to her about it, explain my kneeing her was an accident, and that her aggressive behavior wasn't necessary. She just stared blankly at me, though, as if I was nuts.
I wanted to smack her during the entire movie...Especially during the movie's worst moments.
Miami Vice sucks. See something else instead.