Dear Paris:
I read recently in the USA Today that you are a bit distraught over your 45 day jail sentence. Believe me, I understand.
Jail ain't the Hilton, no matter how fresh the paint.
But I worry about you. Sure, you're a world traveler with lots of life experience. But not this kind, honey. It's one thing to go toe-to-toe with Nicole Richie, and quite another to bunk with a woman who knows how to carve a shiv out of a spoon.
So, here are some tidbits that may be helpful to you during your 45 day exile. You may want to read them twice, for better comprehension.
1. You've spent a lot of time with rappers, so you're used to the hip-hop lingo. But in the pokey, if someone says you're gonna be their "bitch" or calls you a "ho,"...Well, that ain't good.
2. A kinkajou cannot be added to the conjugal visit list.
3. This might be a good time to come up with a catchphrase other than your usual: "That's hot."
4. "Lights out at 11" means the night vision video cam, too.
5. Jailhouse tattoos are supposed to be tough, and intimidating. Tatts of sunbeams and rainbows will get your ass kicked in the shower.
Every time.
Good luck, Paris. It's only 45 days, after all, and you may even get out a little early for good behavior. Then, it's back to LA and the usual debauchery.
Sleep well!
7 comments:
LOL! Great post filmgeek! I can't wait for her to start her sentence!
No one deserves it more. I think it is freaking hysterical!
Actually, she can probably pay some cash and get some better accomodations. Last month I blogged about California's "pay for stay" jails for the well-heeled wrong doers. Not sure if Paris's county has one or not.
Update: Her sentence just got cut in half! I bet she never sees the inside of that jail! -Cara
It's not so bad for Paris. If Paris stays in Jail for the whole 45 days it will be the first time she's completed a proper sentence *drum fill* :-p
Anyway, I had assumed that the jail time was intended to punish the inmates rather than Paris...
Cara: She'll do some time. Backing off now would be a big mistake for the judge, making him look like he gave her some favoritism.
Hey Luke! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. And for the jokes. For some odd reason, when I read them I hear them in a British accent. :)
I've said it before and will say it again: If not for the Hilton fortune, Paris would just be another pimply kid flipping burgers at White Castle.
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