Sunday, October 26, 2008

The Jacknut Chronicles' Sunday Edition: Purple Fingers

I tried to vote early. But when I clicked on "Obama," the electronic polling-thingee changed my vote to "Goldwater."

Something's amiss in The Mountain State!

Voting problems --of the jacknuttiest variety--have been popping up across West Virginia for days. Roger Belozier, of Martinsburg, had his electronic vote changed five times. Five. In a row. According to news reports, others in that precinct have had difficulties, too. Tracy Lopez said: "When I pressed 'Barack Obama,' it checked off 'John McCain.' I de-selected, and instead of taking any chances, I chose straight Democratic ticket rather than go through the whole thing and have any mistakes." [She thought] "Maybe I had just been clumsy. But my husband confirmed that he had the same exact thing happen to him. He was on a different voting machine, voting at the same time I was."

That American citizens, in this age of technological advancement, cannot count on their votes being tallied correctly is an embarrassment. It's the sort of pattern, however, that looks a little too perfect to be a random occurrence.

It's as if there may be a gremlin at work...


MountainLaurel said...

So glad to see the jacknuts back! Though I wish this weren't going on. I'm planning to vote tomorrow. Wish me luck....looks like I"m going to need it.

Jackie said...

Oh c'mon! I've only heard this from Democrats who are trying to vote, and according to a recent poll 57% of Democrats are mildly retarded, 33% are liars, and 10% were already dead but still managed to register.

So like I said, this is a non-story :D

MountainLaurel said...

Well, Jackie, I'm not dead (obviously), and I don't lie. so that leaves moderately retarded. And even I can figure out that if you're trying to rig the results to one side, the folks on the OTHER side are the ones having the problems.

Come on now. If the results were going the other way I'd still be outraged. What would you think if they were going the other way?

An assault of the rights of one is an assault on the rights of all.

Jackie said...

And the latest poll finds 47% of what Jackie says is complete bullshit, 29% is meant to evoke some kind (anykind!) of response, 18% is drunken nonsense, and 6% is the Gods Honest Truth.

Man, all that pollin' is making me thirsty!!

The Film Geek said...

Hey MountainLaurel: It's a regular Sunday fixture now. (Except for last week.)Hope your voting went smoothly!

Hiya Jackie: Only 6% !?! Your truthiness is shrinking.

Hoyt said...

In a perfect world, we'd have folks cast ballots like in Survivor and have Jeff Probst tally the votes. The con is it would take forever, but the pro is it would create lots of jobs. 8)

Elvis Drinkmo said...

Damn, I tried to vote "God's Honest Truth" five times and it flipped my vote to "complete bullshit" twice and "drunken nonsense" three times. :)

Seriously, I've been against the whole concept of electronic voting bullshit since it's inception. Give me a pencil and f**kin piece of paper and I promise my vote will come out the way it's supposed to. I mean if someone fools around with written ballots, we can always take them out back and beat them with rubber hose- but if the computer does it, it's "hey, don't blame me. Computers aren't perfect."

However, since it is what it is- is there anyone out there who knows how to hack the machines so that we can get Joe Manchin tossed out and Jesse Johnson elected as governor?

(Just kidding, really.)

Bionicbigfoot said...