Sunday, November 09, 2008

The Jacknut Chronicles' Sunday Edition: People Able To Think For Themselves Again!

The rum bottle was nearly empty when I twisted it's lid down tight. The end of the long political season had arrived, and I was thrilled. No more red states vs. blue states, or arguments about whether or not the candidate I supported was a Muslim. The last sip went down pretty smooth as I quietly calculated the remaining days in President George W. Bush's presidency.

And then I heard the shout.

"I'll be damned! Whooda thunk it?!?"

The yell came from my home office, so I tiptoed in to see The Duct Tape Bandit hunching over my computer.

"Lookit this," he said. "Dat 'bama dude was right." He waved for me to come closer to the screen to see what he was reading.

"Sez here, if people do infiltrate their car wheels to where dey should be, we really would save 'bout as much oil a year as we'd get drillin' in America. That Mc-something-or-other guy made it sound like a stupid idear."

The Bandit isn't really a political junkie, so I wasn't sure what he was getting at.

"I think the words 'inflate,' Bandit. And I read the same thing too. Back in August. Why are you interested in that comment now?"

"Dude, durin' the 'lection ya can't hear a goddamned thing anybody says. It's like smokin' a blunt and trippin' off X at da same time. Words float at ya in waves and echos. By the time you hear one dude's comment, dat blond chick on The View is already tellin you why it's wrong. She and Whoopie are gonna throw down soon. Word."

"So I take it you're doing research then. On President-Elect Obama's ideas?" I was still thinking about Whoopie punching Elizabeth Hasselback as I said it.

"Sure, why not? Da dude's my president too, ain't he. I figure dis: I can listen to someone else tell me my opinion, or I can make my own. I'm sorta tired of da soundbites and da quick retorts and how those things just piss people off. Dey make people a-scared, and make 'em angry. And I'm tired of being dat after all these years. So I'm figurin' it out on my own."

I was impressed. "Well, aren't you the maverick. Listen, while you're online, you wanna read some blogs that make fun of Sarah Palin's gaff about Africa being a country and not a continent?"

"Nope, I'm too busy lookin' up Obama's ideas on da capital gains tax. I gots no interest in dat other stuff. Dat's all bullshit, anyway."

Maybe soon-to-be-President Obama's election can heal the divide in this country, after all.


John Radcliff said...

If you were going to look outside WV for a Jacknuttery, this would be the way to go. Killing in the name of SEC football? Yup.

All Click said...

Unfortunately, today I heard someone say "that president elect is some type of Islam isn't he?"

The Film Geek said...

Hey John: [shudder...]

Allclick: It will never, never end.