Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Jacknut Chronicles' Special Tuesday Edition: Thank God This Cop Wasn't Around When I Was 17

KANAWHA COUNTY, W.Va. (WSAZ) -- A man from Elkview faces several charges after police say he was caught fondling himself while driving on Interstate 64.

The alleged crime happened late Sunday night near Dunbar, WV.

According to the criminal complaint, two truck drivers called 911 to report a man fondling himself while driving on the interstate. An officer later pulled Andrew N. Jones, 34, over at the Oakwood Road exit.

The officer explained to the driver why he was pulled over and the officer reports the alleged perpetrator said he was just changing clothes while he was driving.

According to the complaint, the truck drivers both saw Jones driving with his pants down by his ankles, wearing women's underwear and stockings and he was fondling himself while driving.

"When challenged about the witness account Jones states that he had recently gone through a divorce, had used methamphetamine prior to the stop and was excited as he was going to see a girlfriend," the complaint states.

The man also stated he was talking dirty to the girl while driving and may have been touching himself.

Officers later searched Jones' car and say they found a bag of meth, along with a meth pipe.

Jones is now charged with indecent exposure, simple possession of meth, and driving on a suspended license. He was released on a PR bond.


primalscreamx said...

Next, they'll say you can't smoke in your car...

Paul Higginbotham said...

I've been drivin' all night, my hand's wet on the wheel.
There's a voice in my head that drives my heel.
It's my baby callin', says I need you here.
And it's half past four and I'm shifting gear.

Buzzardbilly said...

Yes! I'm just praying that this one gets enough attention to warrant a follow-up news piece that includes a picture or video of this multi-talented individual. Talking on the phone and whirling his wingnut while driving...um, wtf was he using to steer?

MountainLaurel said...

Bb, it must have been his wingnut. ;-) You knew that was coming.

Spike Nesmith said...

Oh sure, the possession of meth may have been simple, but nothing else about the case is.

I think this guy is now officially qualified to be a British MP.

(incidentally, given that the guy was caught wearing stockings, I find it *vastly* amusing that my captcha word is "goodleg"!!)

Muze Euterpe said...


The gods ARE looking out for me!

Where's the whiskey ....

Anonymous said...

Isnt this standard operating procedure in WV nowadays?

JDB said...

And I thought nobody drove stick anymore.