Tuesday, February 01, 2011

High School Quotes I Remember: Quote # 13

(I make no judgements about content. I'm simply purging some of the clutter that's been inside my head since 1983.)

[Audio distortion from loudspeaker being turned on] "Mr. Pryor, please send [my name] to the principal's office. Immediately." [End audio distortion]

I got that a lot back in the 80s. My visit to Principal Perkins' office on that morning, however, was strange. Nearly surreal.

If it was a movie, it would have been given an R-rating

A couple days before I was called to the principal's office, a classmate bragged to several of us about making out with a girl on the Activity Bus. That bus, which drove two routes across an entire county, was used to give kids who stayed after school for sports or band practice a ride home. Because it went to some really rural areas of central West Virginia, the ride could be long. Some evenings I didn't arrive home until close to 8pm. So you had ample time time make friends on the Activity Bus.

(And sometimes you had ample time to make out with friends on the Activity Bus.)

The make-out story my friend told, though, was too strange to believe. His description of what happened started with talking to a girl, then morphed into heavy petting and intercourse before climaxing (no pun intended) with anal sex. As I listened, it was clear the story was all wrong: the timing, the positions, the fact it supposedly took place on a public bus were all suspicious, suggesting to me that my classmate had written a pretty good Penthouse Forum letter, but hadn't really done the deed.

I called bullshit, and he started to fold. And as many immature male teens do when they spot weakness, I taunted him about the story for several days.

But this story isn't about my classmate. This story is about what happened when the principal became involved.

I left Sociology class and walked down the hallway to Principal Perkins' office. I stepped inside his office to find he's arranged a seat for me across from his, away from his desk, so we could talk informally. I sat down way too close to him, and smiled. After a few pleasantries, he got down to business.

The Principal: "I understand you ride the Activity Bus most evenings, along with several other students."

Me: "Yes, I do."

The Principal: "Your classmate [his name] rides the other bus that goes to the eastern part of the county. He tells me that he and you recently had a conversation about his making out with a girl on that bus."

This was where the surreal part happens. I realized in that moment two things: (1) my classmate had actually complained to the principal that I was taunting him about his sex lie, and (2) if I played this just right, I could get the principal to say some really uncomfortable things.

Me: "I'm not sure what you're talking about."

The Principal: "Did you not recently have a conversation with [name] about his making out with a girl on the activity bus?"

Me: "I don't remember a conversation like that."

The Principal: "You don't remember? [He laughs.] Oh, you'd remember if you had this conversation. It was very graphic. I'm told you guys talked about his having sex, and even about specific positions. You surely remember that conversation."


Me: "I'm sorry, I don't. What did he say?"

The Principal: "Well, one of the details that stands out is that [the classmate] says he, uh...he, well..., [his voice changes, becomes unsure] he put his, uh ... he put his penis in her, ... you know."

Me: "He did what? I don't know what you mean."

The Principal [squirming and uncomfortable]: "He put his penis in her, ... in her butt. [Sits up straight, firms his voice.] That's what he says. That's his story, alright! I'm told you have been making fun of him for doing that."

Me: "For putting his penis in her butt?"

The Principal: "Yes. For putting his penis in her butt on the activity bus."

Me: "That's the first time I've heard that story, Mr. Perkins. But I gotta tell you, knowing how the Activity Bus works, that story doesn't really sound true to me."

The Principal [deep sigh]: "Go back to class."

I never spoke to the student about my conversation with the principal. I figured if he reported it, he's be dying to know what happened. My not telling him let me control that, in some sordid way. Principal Perkins never mentioned it again, either. But the Activity Bus was given a monitor the following year. I sorta figured our conversation played some role in that.


Hoyt said...

LOL! John Hughes could not have scripted this better.

Long live your blogging! :)

primalscreamx said...

Yeah, stuff like that happened all the time at my high school. Well... no, no, it didn't. None of it.

We had a pretty good Math team, though.

The Film Geek said...

Bill, my wife (who is not from where I grew up) says those sort of things happened back in the 80s because we had nothing else do to. And she's probably right about that. Now that the area has grown up a bit, I think there's less trouble. Or maybe I just don't see it as easily.

Anonymous said...

"He wanted to have sex with me in an uncomfortable place...."

"Like in the back of a Volkeswagen?"

The Film Geek said...

Kevin Smith dialogue always makes me laugh