Friday, June 02, 2006

Killin' Time During Pride And Prejudice

Twenty minutes ago my wife and I cranked up the movie Pride and Prejudice. It took me about ten minutes to get used to the British accent, and a bit longer to figure out the female lead was Keira Knightley and not Natalie Portman.

Soon after, I began recalling the reasons I hate period piece movies:

1. Hygiene practices in real-life Victorian society were nowhere near as good as portrayed in period piece flicks. Face it, folks were dirty, they smelled and they couldn't do much about it at the time. Chicks didn't look like Portman...er, Knightley, and Orlando Bloom look-a-likes didn't gallivant around the countryside being all that.

2. Actors in period pieces move and talk in an odd rhythm that seems choreographed and forced, and all too uncomfortably familiar.

3. In Victorian England, most girls seemed to be named "Jane." Even the prettier ones. I'm not sure why that annoys me, but it does.

4. Powdered wigs and mutton-chop sideburns frighten me. It's a complicated story, and has to do with my mother.

5. Characters in period piece movies are always dressing up and going to Balls, and other formal get-togethers where they dance perfectly in unison, never out of step and always in control. Hell, I can't walk down the street without stumbling over some crack in the sidewalk. And I have modern shoes, not ones with large buckles and bad heel designs.

9 comments:

Hoyt said...

Did you finish the movie? I also tend to avoid period piece movies. The last one I saw, Girl With A Pearl Earring, was tough for me to watch and I saw it in snippets over a week.

The Film Geek said...

Hoyt, I did not finish the movie, although my wife did. And she loved it. She really enjoyes pictures like this, and seems to know a lot about them. Weird sideburns don't seem to bother her, as you must know from seeing my hairstyle a time or two yourself.

Off Route 75 said...

mutton-chop sideburns frighten me....(it) has to do with my mother

That made me laugh for about ten minutes. Who was your mother? "Large Marge" from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure? LMAO!!!

The Film Geek said...

75: I had forgotten about Large Marge! Now, that made ME chuckle. Thanks.

Jackie Lantern said...

I'm with you. I can't stay awake for these things. I made the mistake of seeing The Madness of King George in the theater.... zzzzzzz.

Hoyt said...

I'm going to go out on a limb here and state that I did enjoy The Age of Innocence.

Kelly said...

large side burns don't bother her..she live with you hello!

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