Twenty minutes ago my wife and I cranked up the movie Pride and Prejudice. It took me about ten minutes to get used to the British accent, and a bit longer to figure out the female lead was Keira Knightley and not Natalie Portman.
Soon after, I began recalling the reasons I hate period piece movies:
1. Hygiene practices in real-life Victorian society were nowhere near as good as portrayed in period piece flicks. Face it, folks were dirty, they smelled and they couldn't do much about it at the time. Chicks didn't look like Portman...er, Knightley, and Orlando Bloom look-a-likes didn't gallivant around the countryside being all that.
2. Actors in period pieces move and talk in an odd rhythm that seems choreographed and forced, and all too uncomfortably familiar.
3. In Victorian England, most girls seemed to be named "Jane." Even the prettier ones. I'm not sure why that annoys me, but it does.
4. Powdered wigs and mutton-chop sideburns frighten me. It's a complicated story, and has to do with my mother.
5. Characters in period piece movies are always dressing up and going to Balls, and other formal get-togethers where they dance perfectly in unison, never out of step and always in control. Hell, I can't walk down the street without stumbling over some crack in the sidewalk. And I have modern shoes, not ones with large buckles and bad heel designs.