Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Please Make It Stop: Part 8

Clearly I don't know for sure, but I imagine this is pretty close to the actual dialogue that occurred at the most recent strategic planning meeting of Harpo Productions:

Oprah: "How are we progressing on the goals we set to establish our world dominance?"

Minion: "Pretty well, O. We didn't given away any cars this year, but the flack we got about some of the audience members who couldn't pay taxes on the cars they got a few years ago died down pretty quickly. Kudos to Gail for the nice PR job."

Oprah: "Wonderful, wonderful. Let's go over our goals, then. (1) Dominate the syndicated TV market."

Minion: "Check. A small bump when Dr. Phil got pissy about you, but he came back around fast."

Oprah: "He'll know better next time. (2) Dominate the feel-good book market."

Minion: "Check. Small bump with the book by that addict who wasn't quite as addicted as he first claimed he was. But, we recovered nicely."

Oprah: "(3) Dominate the non-fashion magazine industry."

Minion: "Check. The fake brouhaha you created about the relationship between you and Gail possibly being romantic helped spike third quarter sales. Nicely done, again."

Oprah: "Thank you. (4) Dominate the satellite radio industry."

Minion: "Uh...We may have dropped the ball on that one..."

Oprah: "Damn it! Someone get me Maya Angelou on the hotline! NOW!!

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