Or: Why I Lied When I Said I'd Never Publish A Meme.
(Hey, it came from the coolest guy I know. Live with it.)
Who was your best friend?
His name was Joe. We dated sisters, and once discovered a Peeping Tom looking in the window of their house. We chased the guy. Joe grabbed a hammer to use if we caught him, while I picked up the closest thing I could find to hurl at his head.
Joe never let me live that down.
What kind of car did you drive?
A mid-70s model Cutless Supreme. It ran great, but was an incredible color of bright yellow. In the summer of 1983 my Dad bought a fancy new paint spray gun, and he decided to test the quality of his new tool toy by painting the Cutless. I helped.
Later that summer I was in an accident, and had to have some dents taken out at the local body shop. The conversation went like this:
Body-Shop Guy: "Say, uh...Who did that paint work on your car?"
Me: "Well, [long pause, with awkward eye darts] It was some traveling handy-man, who stopped by our house one day and said he could paint it for cheap. Dad let him."
Body-Shop Guy: "You got ripped off."
Me: "Sure. That's what Dad said too."
It’s Friday night, where were you?
Nowhere I shouldn't have been.
And I regret that.
Were you a party animal?
Nope. I was the guy sitting in the corner watching the party animals.
Were you considered a flirt?
By everyone who ever knew me, yes.
Ever skip school?
Yep. During my senior year in high school, the Art teacher asked Tom and me to stay after class for a couple of minutes.
"Boys,' he said, 'how would you two like to make B's in this class without even attending?"
We never saw him again. And my GPA improved.
Were you a nerd?
No. And I'll kick your ass if you ask that again!
I wasn't. Promise.
(Nerd-dom came later.)
Did you get suspended/expelled?
No, but I came close once for making fun of some guy named Doug, who was bragging about having sex on the school bus while traveling home. His story made no sense: his angles were all wrong, and the things he described doing were out of natural sequence.
But, Doug hated that I taunted him, so he told the principal. I was called out of Social Studies to the Principal's office one morning, a couple days after the argument I had with Doug, where I had the most amusing conversation of my senior year. It's too complicated to go into here, but I will say that it took me longer than I expected to manipulate the Principal into saying the phrase "anal sex."
It took at least 10 minutes. I'd figured less than five.
Can you sing the fight song?
Nope. I was usually in some locker room during times the fight song was being sung.
Who was your favorite teacher?
Mrs. McMillion. I credit her with my interest in English, and in writing. Once, in English class, she sighed really hard and said: "Marc, you exasperate me!" I thought the word sounded cool. The interest in words stuck.
English. Although Shop Math comes a close second.
What was your school’s full name?
Nicholas County High School. There were two high schools in the county,but somehow we got the County name. That led to lots of fights with Lumberjacks back in the day.
Some might say it was a grizzly. I'm pretty sure it was Paula S.
Did you go to Prom?
I did, a couple of them. Although I only danced at one. I'm not only a bit shy, I'm incapable of rhythm. I'm particularly challenged when rhythm is combined with chicks and flashing lights.
I danced with Tonja for three-fourths of Freebird, before begging off when the guitar began to wail. She thought I was a wimp for that.
So did I.
If you could go back and do it over, would you?
Nope. Not for a second.
What do you remember most about graduation?
Two things I recall about graduation: (1) Steve Copenhaver announced that he had joined the carnival and would be leaving town that weekend. I was envious. (2) Mark Hanshaw set the robe of the guy in front of him on fire, thinking it was funny. It wasn't.
I think Mark did some time a couple years later...
Who was your high school sweetheart?
The daughter of the State Police Sargent. She was cool.
Sarge? Not so much.
Where were you on senior skip day?
Summersville Lake. In truth, it wasn't fun, but there was no place else to go.
Did you have a job your Senior year?
Not a formal job, although I did work a few weeks hauling away hundreds of large rocks and a broken down cellar (block by block) for some guy who paid me $25.
Soon after, I applied to college.
Have you gained weight since then?
How rude of you to ask.
What did you do after graduation?
Loaded up the truck and moved to Bever-lee! (Hills, that is.)
When did you graduate?
Who was your Senior prom date?
Are you going to your 10 year class reunion?
It has already occurred, as did the 20 year reunion. I went to Summersville that weekend, but decided not to attend. Steve Copenhaver was somewhere else running the Ring Toss anyway.
He's the only person I wanted to see.