Thursday, November 22, 2007

Why I Lied When I Said I'd Never Publish A Meme: Lie # 2

Recently tagged twice for memes, I'm combining Jedi's "8 Random Or Interesting Things About Me" with Buzzardbilly's "Six Secrets About Me" That way, I don't have to tell folks 14 things about me; I know all too well that most folks wouldn't give a goddamn about 13.5 of them.

I'm splitting the difference, though. Here are 7 Random Secrets Of The Film Geek.

1. I often wear no underwear. I was commando when commando wasn't cool, baby. I've also been commando when commando was sorta non-hygienic, but that's for another list.

2. Speaking of: I once found myself needing to pee desperately while driving in downtown Des Moines, Iowa. I was new to the area, and couldn't find a convenience story anywhere and had no bottles in the car that I could use to relieve myself. So, I began to pee in my pants. Mid-way through the peeing in my pants I spotted a 7-11. Pulling into the parking lot, I realized I had a decision to make: I could simply finish pissing in my pants, or I could walk in and use the bathroom.

The dilemma was, of course, I'd already wet myself down one leg of my jeans, and it was more than obvious.

I walked in.

The clerk just stared, and I stared back with a pained look on my face. Without saying a word he simply motioned to the back, where the bathroom was located.

3. Like some other folks I know, I'm painfully shy and more than a little socially awkward. The work I do demands a lot of social interaction, though, so I've learned how to act not-shy. I'm still working on the socially awkward thing.

4. I've always been good at telling a lie. One of my best was when I was in 11th grade.

Some friends and I broke into Mountain Manor campground during the off-season, and were preparing to make out in the woods with our dates when the Game Warden showed up, curious about why we had broken locks to get into the area. I heard him several yards away talking to my friend Bryan. I walked up casually and said: "He's not anywhere to be found, Bryan."

The Game Warden asked who I was talking about, and I told him a long story about how we lost our family dog in the area a week or so before, and were back to see if we could find him. He asked for a description of the dog, and I gave him the description of the German Shepard from Run, Joe, Run--right down to the tattoo on his ear! And he believed me.

It wasn't the details of the lie the Game Warden bought as much as it was how casual I was about telling it.

He took really detailed notes of the dog's description, and promised to get back with me if the dog was found. When he asked for my name, I gave him the name and the telephone number of my arch-nemesis in high school.

5. I was once described by a very good friend as "charming, but in a serial killer sorta way."

(I think that has to do with the eye contact thing...)

6. I consider myself very spiritual and I'm very much interested in theology, but I don't believe in God.

When Mrs. Film Geek and I moved in together, one of her high school friends stopped by because she heard I was an atheist. We talked a long while before it became clear she wanted to meet me like some people want to meet a clown after the circus is over, or people who like to talk to folks from foreign countries because they may never get a chance to again. I was an odd conversation, and one I've never forgotten simply for it's absurdity.

7. Although I have no faith, I desire it. I'm envious of people who can think critically and still believe. In something.


jedijawa said...

Very good Film Geek! I wasn't sure if you would do it or not when I passed it out but I knew that I had to send it to you! :-)

primalscreamx said...

For #7: I think the best kind of faith is the kind that starts with you. From there, you just grow.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Great list!

Anonymous said...

Seriously. You could have left off the first two. Even though they are stories that some of us have unfortunately already heard.

Rebecca Burch said...

Hilarious re: the dog. You were channeling your inner Ferris (Bueller.)