Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wonder How Much This Stamp Will Cost? Part 2

Dear God:

I'm troubled, frankly, and I don't know where to turn for support.

While I don't really believe in your existence--at least your existence as it's described in the good book--I need a place today to vent some anguish and angst I'm feeling. A place to contemplate life, and the devastating loss of it. A place to pause between the stressors of work and the stressors I feel as I watch my community grow into something it shouldn't be.

Since I had this blog and all, I figured this may be the place to do it. And although I don't really believe in you, please don't consider it disrespectful that my letter is addressed to you.

I'm hopeful, after all.

You may have heard about what now appears to be a murder-suicide that happened in Barboursville, West Virginia earlier this week.
It's been in all the papers. It seems a 38-year-old Barboursville man told his two daughters, ages 10 and 5, that they all were going on an impromptu vacation. He packed them up and placed them in the car, closed up the garage door and started the engine.

According to reports, he and the girls died quickly from carbon monoxide poisoning.

Although "crushed" isn't the best word to describe how I feel, it works. I didn't know the family, and never met the young girls. But I'm crushed. Overwhelmed by the loss of innocence and potential, and the tragedy that is-- too often-- the end result of despair.

I want to he hopeful.

Maybe I can't get this story out of my head because I have daughters of similar ages. I dunno. It could be that I'm just pissed off, knowing the trust that should exist naturally between children and their fathers is often violated. Maybe I'm mad that you, God, don't exist. If you did exist, you could stop this from happening. Before kids are hurt. Before lives are lost.

I just can't find my hope.

Not today, anyway.


The Film Geek


moneytastesbad said...

Honestly TFG, it is things like this that cause me to believe less and less each day. I herd yesterday that the mother was out of the country doing "mission work". I am not sure how accurate that is, but if it is true, "mission work" leads me to believe that she was off spreading the word of "God"? Well, it appears that someone needed to spread that word to her husband, because I am sure that what he did is against "the good book"

JDB said...

You're not an XTC fan, are you? Similar sentiment, I think:

moneytastesbad said...

JDB, Thanks for posting that link. I have heard of, but never listened to XTC. For whatever reason, I always imagined them as techno or somthing.

I loved that song.

Thanks again.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

TFG - I saw this story in the evening paper before they even released names or location (other than to say Barboursville). Accident or not, I feel so bad for the mother in this situation. Apparently, the parents were having some marital difficulties, but building a new house in Milton. I wonder what that father was thinking??? It's a shameful tragedy.

The Film Geek said...

Hey Money: I'm with you. When I wrote that I didn't believe in God's existence as we generally know it from tradition, I'm talking exactly about what you describe. For me--and I know others who share this view--the God I grew up learning about cannot exist. If it does and really is all-powerful, then it's petty, vain and selfish. And I wouldn't be friends with someone like that, much less worship a being with those qualities.

JDB: I've seen that video once before, back in my video watchin' days. I remember liking it, and it made sense to me. Not a fan of the band overall, though.

ETW: This was no accident. It's been determined a murder-suicide. Which means that father lured his two trusting daughters into their death trap.

It's overwhelming...

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I knew it had been ruled a murder-suicide, but worded it badly. I meant the end result was tragic, no matter how it had come to pass. Of course, the fact that he had malice aforethought makes it even more sick and baffling.

It just irks me that some people seem to think their children and them are better off dead than divorced or losing custody, etc.

Nothing will bring those girls back and that mom has to live with that the rest of her life. I can't even imagine the pain.

The Film Geek said...

ETW: I see what you mean about the wording. I read it wrong, your wording was fine.

What a tragedy....

Route 75 said...

While I'm not the greatest example of a Christian, I too struggle with faith at times.

I know God exists, TFG. I look at my two beautiful children, and I know. I know God is watching over me and my family every moment of the day.

I know God cares about me, and loves me.

I know God is there, because I feel His presence.

I know terrible things happen to innocents. It honestly hurts me more than people know.

I know it hurts God, too. "Suffer the little children that come unto me" is a perfect example.

This world sucks. This world is at times, very dark. The people in it are dark, and their hearts are filled with evil.

I know that because God tells me, in the Bible and through prayer, that there will be many dark days ahead.

I simply know. That's good enough for me. I know it's not enough for everyone, and I hope no one thinks my post is a criticism, because it's not.

I know, and I am content.

primalscreamx said...

I held out on this one. I wanted to form a coherent thought. You didn't lose your hope. You didn't even misplace it. You just couldn't recognize it for a little while. Your hope is evident in your compassion for the family and their loss. Hope is in believing the world is worth living in and mourning the unnatural suspension of life.
Respectfully to Route 75, Christian figures in the Bible may occasionally say the reverse, but the message of the faith is repeated often that this is a good world. People are good. Both are flawed, of course, but Man and God fight to save the world both from outside sources and from itself.
Just a thought from a slacker Buddhist, who remembers life is unsatisfactory because to live is good, so good all of us want for more than we get.