Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Promise Me This

Nearly 18 years ago (next month), when Mrs. Film Geek was still a Miss and in the midst of planning our wedding, we agreed to attend three sessions of pre-marriage counseling with the minister who would perform our ceremony. This would be the second minister we tried to talk into doing the deed for us; the first minister we approached passed when he found out we'd been living together for nearly a year.

The soon-to-be Mrs. Film Geek was nervous we might strike out with reverend number two.

"Please, don't tell him you're an atheist," she said, as we pulled into the church lot for our first session. "And don't argue. Maybe just go along with what the guy says for an hour."

And for that first session, I did.

During the second session the minister began a lengthy discussion of the tenets of a healthy and successful marriage. The most important thing, he said, was that Jesus be involved in the relationship. It's not possible, the minister contended, for a marriage to survive without the Son Of God being involved.


Secondly, he said, the man must be the leader of the family. Women should be listened to, of course, but the bottom line -- the final answer, so to speak -- was to be determined by the man.

It was God's way, after all.

And thirdly, there should be a genuineness and trust in the marriage.

"What about love," I asked. "And friendship?"

The minister had a puzzeled look in his eyes. He didn't understand my comment. Mrs. Film Geek shifted in her seat.

"I agree with trust and honestly being an integral part of a healthy marriage, but I find it odd that you didn't once mention "love" or "friendship." To me, those are far more important than Jesus, or which of us wears the pants in the family."

The minister went into a long monologue about love and friendship growing out of a committment to Christ. In my head, I went into a long monologue about how our love and friendship had grown out of (a) me initially thinking she was incredibly hot, and (b) the two of us becoming best friends as we recognized we had far more things in common than not.

But I kept that quiet, so as not to upset my soon-to-be-bride. After all, it was her day to be the boss.


I was reminded of this after seeing The Promise Keepers were in the area for a conference.

I'm curious if the preacher who married us went again this year.


photo by Chip Ellis

8 comments:

primalscreamx said...

Yeah, sounds vaguely familiar both times. We actually had to fill out some form that looked suspiciously like the SAT.
I can't remember my score, but it couldn't have been good.

RedZeppelin said...

Interesting observation of the minister's omission. Love and friendship are handy to have in a marriage. Hotness helps too.

And my wife has one day a week to be the boss in our relationship. That's the day that ends in "y."

Buzzardbilly said...

Curmy is a recovering catholic (and says he shall never recover). My aunt used to handle snakes (no lie). I grew up going to two different churches. The last preacher for the first one killed his wife (Filippo, you may have heard of him...he was a whack job of extraordinary proportions...when they went out for dinner he would only buy one meal for him and she could eat whatever he scootched to the edge of his plate for her...here's to hoping you could drive a Mack truck through his asshole). The second one had a deacon who blackmailed and molested a girl who was 13 (then 14 and 15 before someone stepped in).

As a result, we got married on a boat so that the captain could do then honors. Then we found out the captain was normally blitzed by noon, so we had a judge come on board to do the honors.

Promise Keepers scare me way more than snake handlers do. To my twisted religious background, those are the best of the lot. At least they're interesting and willing to die for their beliefs.

Buzzardbilly said...

PS: You can tell Hoyt that unfettered smoking like a fiend happens around 4:30 if he's interested.

The Film Geek said...

Hey Bill: I forgot about the pre-marriage test! I remember lots of smacking myself on the forehead while I took it.

Hi Redzeppelin: A high hotness quotient is indeed a good indicator of best friendship in my house! And I'm glad to see I'm not along in my club o' equality.

Hey Buzzardbilly: That's a great story. And I'm with you on the Promise Keepers...I'd rather hang with lots of other groups too. And I'll mention it to the Donut Man, but his office is waaaay to far away for a smoke break. Now lunch on the other hand... :)

Elvis Drinkmo said...

If you all decide to renew your vows, is there anyway Mrs. Film Geek would allow me to preside over the ceremony?

Seriously, me and the Mrs. Reverend got married we did it in a courtroom. Four people, the judge, and no mention of the words "God" or "Jesus". It was the greatest wedding a die-hard secularist could dream of.

The Film Geek said...

Hiya Reverend: I think she'd insist on it, my friend!

If we had it to do over, we'd do it courtroom style too, I think.

Buzzardbilly said...

Now an early dinner could be fun. That way the Missuses (or however more than one Missus is spelled) and the little doughnuts and the film geeklets could join too if they wanted.

Speaking of doughnuts is making me want a Jolly Pirate real bad.