Thursday, December 30, 2010

Gulliver's Travels

I imagine the pitch for Gulliver's Travels went something like this:

Jack Black (Executive Producer and Star):
". . . and then I wake up on a strange beach, tied up just like the guy in the Swift novel, surrounded by these little fuckers. I freak out, rip off the ropes and jump to my feet. Then, the little bastards attack me. One of them manages to pull my pants down just a bit, enough to show my butt crack for 15 or 20 seconds, then pulls me down onto my back. As I fall to the ground, one of the little fuckers gets lodged in my butt crack. Later -- and the full details have to be worked out on this scene -- there will be a fire in one of the little houses these people live in, and I'll put the fire out by pissing on it. We'll film it in 3-D, put it out at Christmas when people have more time to see matinees, and the kids will beg to see it!"

Sigh . . .

I have a theory about the roles Jack Black chooses. After terrific performances in Hi-Fidelity, Shallow Hal, and School of Rock, Black tried his hand at leading-man drama, with King Kong. If flopped with critics. Black was reminded by Hollywood that people come see his movies for the arched eyebrow, the goofy smirk, the references to rock-n-roll and sci-fi trivia, and his paunchy-everyman persona.

Hollywood is wrong. We don't want the same character over and over again. If he keeps this practice up, Black's gonna lose his audience. Just ask Tom Hanks.

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