Blackbird (2019)

 I'm terrified of dying. 

The fear isn't about whether there is an afterlife. I don't fear pain or discomfort, or what will happen to my body after my death. (Although neither being lowered into the ground or being burned to ashes sound inviting as options, do they?) Most of those things are out of my control and fearing them serves no purpose. 

I fear the space that exists between (1) when I know death is imminent, and (2) when I draw my last breath. 

In that short few moments will I have regrets? Will I be frightened? If I'm surrounded by friends and family will I have the time and ability to tell them how much I love them? 

You know, in a way that's more powerful than I've ever said it before. 

This life-long fear is why I was eager to watch Blackbird. Watching Lily (played wonderfully by Susan Sarandon) organize and orchestrate the final weekend of her life moved me. It was painful to watch as the final reunion she had with family and friends -- a weekend she wanted to be perfect - unraveled and became something less than that. The audience feels sorry for her until it realizes that imperfection is human; it's what happens when people respond genuinely to distress, anxiety, and fear.

And that imperfection made Blackbird even more beautiful. 

This Roger Michell-directed movie isn't for everyone. But if you want to reflect on your own life and mortality, Blackbird is for you.