The Jacknut Chronicles' Sunday Edition: The Art Of Robbery

Jacknut Quote Of The Week: "At the time she had good intentions but made bad decisions."

~Defense attorney John H. Tinney Jr., who maintains former West Virginia art-teacher-turned-bank-robber Melissa Brown simply made "a terrible mistake" by robbing two banks while trying to help her brother with a problem.



Photo by: Jeremy McKnight

Watchmen Trailer

Thanks to JDB at Infinity Ranch for pointing out the Watchmen trailer is available. The film is due for release in 2009.

The trailer looks good.

A Ba-'CON-a-ter With Cheese

My grandfather--my mother's father, who we called "Pa-Paw"--was one of the most important people in my life. He was an odd duck, but something about that made him appealing to me. This summer marks 20 years since he died. I still think about him every day.

Pa-Paw clearly had an obsessive-compulsive personality: he was very fussy about the order of things, and tended to become moderately anxious if he wasn't in control. I have a lot in common with him.

A lot.

One of the other things I share with him is his sense of humor. It was strangely quirky, and I can rarely recall anyone really appreciating it as fully as did I. Pa-Paw didn't really tell jokes as much as he loved goofing with people. And he always thought they were in on the joke. Most times, they weren't. His antics lead to a lot of embarrassment for most of the family.

But I was in awe.

One of the bits he would wear out was when he would take us to Pizza Hut for lunch. Every time--really, Every.Single.Time.--he would cozy up to the waitress and say: "We'd like a large peperoni pissa, and a large picture of Spike."

The waitress, noticing something slightly odd about the words he'd just verbalized, would ask: I'm sorry, what is your order?" He'd smile this subtle little smirk, and say:

"Large pissa, with pepperoni. Picture of Spike."

To make sure she had it right, the waitress would read back the order, making sure she enunciated "pizza," "pitcher" and "Sprite" correctly for the old man. He'd tell her she nailed it, and smile. He never let on like he knew better, even though it was obvious he did.

(Like I said: it wasn't the sort of joke that was "ha-ha" funny. It was funny in a performance art sort of way. He wasn't afraid to let others think he was stupid in order to put a smile on the face of his grand-kids.)

My kids never had the chance to know the man, so I tend to tell lots of stories to them about him. It's important to me they have some understanding of who he was as a person. So in recognition of the 20th anniversary of his death, my kids and I drove through Wendy's. I put down the window, and leaned into the speaker:

Clerk: "May I take your order?"

Me: "Yeah, thanks. I'd like two kids meals, please. And a Baconator." (Except I didn't pronounce it "Bacon-'A-tor. I pronounced it "Ba-'CON-a-ter.") "A Ba-'CON-a-ter with cheese, please."

Clerk: "I got your kids meals. But what's the other sandwich you ordered?"

Me: "A Ba-'CON-a-ter." (I had to shush the kids in the back, they were laughing so hard.)

Clerk: "You mean, a baconater."

Me: "Yeah, a Ba-'CON-a-ter."

Clerk: "It's pronounced "Bacon-'A-tor."

Me: "Oh... I bet you get that mispronunciation a lot, huh."

Clerk: "No, not really. Pull around, please."

I wish somehow Pa-Paw could have heard that exchange. He'd have peed himself laughing.

He'd Never Be King Of Late-Night

USAToday reminds me today that Jay Leno will soon be gone from The Tonight Show, leaving the iconic late-night talk show in the more-than-capable hands of Conan O'Brien.

Thank God.

I've watched The Tonight Show with Jay Leno only a handful of times. Leno's joke-telling rhythm annoys me, and I'm of the opinion he stole quite a few of his standard bits from David Letterman. I mean, really: his "Headlines" is a blatant rip-off of Letterman's "Small-Town News." And can you believe Leno had the guts to book Stupid Human Tricks?

I figure most late-night watchers are either Letterman fans or Leno fans, but not both. (Although Conan, by far, is the most entertaining of the three now that Dave has embraced the mainstream.)

Am I right? And if so, who's your favorite, and why?

It's All In The Name

Andy Dick was arrested, again, recently. Pulling down the tube top of a 17-year-old girl and exposing her in public really ain't all that funny. Especially when the yanker-down-guy (Dick) has weed and Xanax in his pocket, which are later found by cops called by the tube-top-girl.

Jeeze, what a dick.

Andy Dick hasn't been funny for years. He stopped doing bits long ago, and now just carries out acts of immaturity and stupidity.


Hell, even his mug shot says: "Look, more attention!"

I wish he'd just go away. Where's Jon Lovitz when you need him...?

Just saw Don't Print This has weighed in on the Andy Dick dick-ness, too. Bill Lynch may hate Dick more than I do. (That didn't come out right...)

Ants In My Pants

EW.Com (the online Entertainment Weekly site) has a review of The Dark Knight, for those interested in getting a preview.

Film Scenes That Matter: To Kill A Mockingbird

This scene should be a primer for law school students.

"In the name of God, do your duty."

Film Scenes That Matter: Brokeback Mountain

It's subtle, and it's powerful. And it's a love story that people should relate to.

Regardless.

Count Your Blessings, Honey

Dear Kristy (AKA: "Mrs. Film Geek"),

Traveling alone for business isn't something that I enjoy, and I was so looking forward to you coming along with me to my conference in Orlando. I know you were looking forward to it, too. When it became certain I was going to central Florida, you spent hours on-line planning our trip here together. Where we would eat, where we would play and where we would stay.

Then you got a little sick, and I was forced to travel alone. While you recuperated, at home. With the kids.

Sick.

While I've been here this week, I realized that it is best that you didn't come with me. The place is just awful, and you wouldn't have any fun. Honestly, you wouldn't enjoy it. Really.

Here's why:

The hotel / convention center / spa where I'm staying this week is just too big to really enjoy. You and I really like smaller hotels, so we can have that intimate, community-like feel where we stay. This place is so very, very big--filled with malls, and shops and big restaurants--that it's just no fun.

I know you: you would hate it!

This is one of four atriums inside the compund. Four! That's way too much greenery. My allergies are acting up, so I'm snottin' and sneezin' and snortin'. Sure, the place is pretty. But being around me while I'm having these reactions would be awful! You'd have a terrible time if you were here.

You're lucky to be still at home.

The rooms are waaayy too small. You'd be miserable.

Trust me.

The pool area--at least this one, nearest my section of the compound--has water that's too cold! It's at best 68 degrees, and I know you prefer more lukewarm water for swimming and playing around in.

I'm so envious of you being at home. You have no idea how difficult this is for me.

I'll endeaver, of course, as always. Don't worry about me. It'll be difficult, but I'll perservere. Kiss the kids for me, tell them I'll be home soon and remind them how lucky they are to be there and not here.

Count your blessings, hon.

TFG

Whatever Happened To...Michael Gray

During the first half of the Shazam / Isis Hour (Saturday mornings, from '74-'77 on CBS) I couldn't wait for teenager Billy Batson to say the magic word, turn into the adult Captain Marvel and kick some criminal bootay.

My sister, on the other hand, was interested in Billy staying Billy.

Played by Michael Gray, Billy had that Tiger Beat quality: a deep tan, long hair and great looks.

Ahem... At least, that's what Sis told me.

A couple of actors played Captain Marvel during the series. But it was Michael Gray who ruled the female tweener crowd of his day, along with the Osmonds and a one or two of the Jackson 5.

After Gray grew up he had some difficult times finding work as an adult in the biz. Along with his wife, he opened up a successful floral shop in Beverly Hills.