Crossing The Thin, Blue Line

Visiting the Pumpkin House on Monday cost me $10.

There was no admission, or any charge to take a gander at the punkins. Nope, The Griffiths keep it free. The $10 was was in the form of a parking ticket.

I parked the Film Geek Family Mini-Van a block or so away from the house, and our clan hiked across the rail-road tracks that separate Ceredo from Kenova to enjoy the spectacle. After an hour or so (we love us some pumpkins!) we trekked back to the van, only to find a Ceredo policeman putting a ticket on my window.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Oh, you're back. I'll just hand this to you." he said. And he said it with a smile, and with a whole bunch of smarm. He walked around the van, and handed me a ticket. Apparently I--and the whole line of cars that were parked in front of me and behind me--had parked our vehicles with our tires a couple of feet off the small side-road, on a woman's property.

And she was pissed.

I apologized to the woman for parking on her yard. Even if it was only a couple of feet, it wasn't my intention to have my tires on private property. I--and apparently all those who parked around me--thought we were parking on a public portion of the small access road.

Then, the following occurred:

Me: "I understand why you're giving me a ticket, but you don't have to be so enthusiastic about it."

Cop: "Enthusiastic? I'm not being enthusiastic."

Me: "Yes. Yes you were. You seem way too happy to be giving me a ticket. Man, that's just not necessary."

My wife, the daughter of a police officer, realized things were going horribly wrong. She knows me too well, and understands what makes the average cop tick. So, Mrs. Film Geek recognized fully the train wreck that was about to happen. She knew I'm not capable of stopping my little tirade, and she knew the cop was gonna eventually get to the point where he had to put his foot down. Hard, and on me.

Mrs.Film Geek: "Honey, take the ticket and let's go."

Me: "But, I'm not finished talking to the officer."

Mrs. Film Geek: "Yes you are. It's time to go."

So I did.

But, I'm going back tomorrow night, and guess where I'm parking!

Ye Olde Pumpkin House

Anyone within driving distance of The Pumpkin House in Kenova should make it out to see this year's display. (This picture is from last year, and was taken by Dave Fatella.)

The Griffith's have erected a 20 foot tall, 30 foot wide wall o' pumpkins carved as orchestra instruments, and each pumpkin is computer programmed to light up when it's respective instrument is played during the 1812 Overture.

It's amazing.

The Benchwarmers

"Don't rent it on pay-per-view, you'll be disappointed," I was warned by my wife as I clicked on the cable option. "It'll be stupid, and you'll lose interest half-way through."

But I was bored.

Really bored. The kids were in bed, I had nothing to read and Mrs. Film Geek was catching up on work she's missed this week while we hung out at the hospital. Even the WV Blogger Message Board was pretty dark.

The Benchwarmers seemed like a decent option.

Rob Schneider, Jon Heder and David Spade play losers who get tired of seeing kids bullied, so along with Jon Lovitz they stage a Round Robin Baseball Tournament to promote cooperation, and the acceptance of geeks and nerds everywhere. I like Schneider (does anyone remember his "Makin' Copies Guy" from SNL?), I'm a huge fan of Lovitz and the Napoleon Dynamite guy made me laugh.

So, I clicked "Buy" on the remote control.

I am obligated by marital contract to announce publicly: "She was right. I was wrong."

I loved Revenge Of The Nerds. And, The Bad News Bears. The Benchwarmers tries to be both of those, and fails. Skip it, and go hit some balls with your kid instead.

An American Haunting

I recall reading a lot about The Bell Witch during my childhood. I'd squirrel away in the attic or some other secret hide-away with a couple of new comics and a reference book about ghosts or the supernatural. And I loved the Bell Witch legend. It's a terrific ghost story complete with curses, poltergeist activity and even death caused by the ghost.

That's right, the Bell Witch is the only ghost in America that has a premeditated murder rap attributed to her.

An American Haunting, though, is an average film about an above-average legend. Starring Donald Sutherland, Sissy Spacek and Rachel Hurd-Wood, Haunting tells the story of how the Bell family--who lived in Tennessee circa 1820--was terrorized by a poltergeist. The poltergeist targets Betsey, primarily, while it systematically disturbs and confuses the family. It appears mostly at night, while Betsey sleeps alone in her bed, and physically assaults and tortures her.

And her parents seem powerless to help.

The terror seems to end, however, when the Bell Witch causes the death of one of the film's stars. It's then the audience realizes that the Bell family haunting is really caused by some deeply rooted, psychological trauma.

An American Haunting is not a great telling of what is, truly, a great ghost story. Skip the movie, and read about the Bell Witch instead.

Murphy's Law

Traveling via Interstate from Charleston to Huntington this afternoon was difficult, due to heavy rain. But still, I had my windows rolled up, my heat turned to "medium" and some old school classic rock turned up loud.

I was, at least, comfortable.




This guy wasn't faring as well.

I'm curious if he planned his trip without looking at the weather forecast this morning...

The Monkey Says 'No'

Jackie Lantern, the pumkin' wearing scribe from Saved By The Torso, wrote recently that he tries hard to "avoid turning this blog into some touchy-feely emotion-fest." And, I understand that.

I, too, try to keep the cutsey on the down-lo.

It's just not that interesting to me to write about all-things-emotional when I can focus my time on such topics as movies, music or Oprah. Hell, even TomKat getting married in November is on my To-Write-About-Soon list, three priority levels above What I Love About Thanksgiving.

Besides, I have a reputation to maintain among my brotherhood in The Union. I am, after all, an Official Member.

But even Jackie admits that sometimes the emotional stuff can't be avoided. And I agree.

My three-year-old son, Jaden, was recently hospitalized for what doctors are calling "walking pneumonia." His breathing had become a bit labored, and he ran a high fever for a couple of days. So, we insisted he be admitted to the local hospital. (After a couple days of intensive treatment, Jaden is home and recovering nicely.)

But, it was his exchange with a new doctor on that first day at the hospital that I can't stop laughing about.

The doctor wanted Jaden to buy into some respitory treatment that involved face-masks and straps, and Jaden wasn't having any of it. In fact, he was refusing to talk to the doctor. And this is unusual, because he talks.

A lot.

But, not that day. And, while he was not talking, he was clutching the brand new stuffed monkey that his aunt brought to keep him company. The doctor saw the monkey, recognized the opportunity and switched techniques:

Dr.: "Jaden, the mask won't hurt you, it will make you feel better. Will you give it a try?"

Jaden: [Silence. And an evil glare at the otherwise nice doctor.]

Dr.: "Jaden, you won't have to wear it all day. Just an hour or so. OK?"

Jaden: [Nada, except more of the same. Doubled.]

Dr.: "Jaden, I bet the monkey would want you to try it. Let's ask the monkey if it's OK for you to wear the mask just for a little while, then take it off. What do you think about that, monkey?"

Jaden: [15 seconds of dramatic pause, then a deadpanned...] "...The monkey says 'No."

It sounded like dialogue right out of the 40s, or like that from the movie Brick. And, I could not stop laughing for hours.

Man, for some reason I love that kid more now than before he went in.

Thank You For Smoking

Nick Naylor, the lead character of Thank You For Smoking is the reason I walked away from an obsessive interest in politics and social commentary a couple of years ago. Well, not Nick Naylor literally, of course; the embodiment of Naylor, though. Spin doctors who look you in the eye, tell you their version of the truth then cash a huge paycheck earned for the perspective they've created.

Real-life folks like Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly, James Carville and Paul Begala. Professional mercenaries who pretend they aren't.

Spin masters are toxic. Regardless of ideology, they're toxic. Every damn one.

Aaron Eckhart's Naylor is a lobbyist for Big Tobacco. He's become quite jaded, and pretty transparent in his efforts to win each point of debate. Confront him on a TV talk show with a teen dying from cancer associated with second-hand smoke, and Naylor will remind the audience that tobacco companies gain nothing by the child's death. In fact, it's a loss of a future consumer.

Spin, baby. Spin.

Naylor can't spin his life, though. His marriage has failed, and his son is growing up too fast. Naylor spends a lot of time teaching the kid spin ninja skills, hoping that one day, Li'l Joey Naylor will earn big bucks for his lobbying efforts, too. Naylor's choice in chicks is pretty suspect: He falls for teen-looking tomboy Katie Holmes who, ultimately, spins the most significant spin of all.

I liked this movie a lot. The acting was above par, the story line was interesting and the pacing was perfect. My favorite part, though, was the ultimate answer Naylor and other spinsters revealed as the reason they were willing to lie for profit:

"The mortgage."

If only Hannity would be so genuine...

A Bold (Maybe) New Frontier

Director John Landis, who always seems interested in pushing the art of directing in new and interesting ways, has a neat gig going at JibJab. The Great Sketch Experiment is a contest featuring six sketches--all directed by Landis and starring professional actors--that the public can watch, then cast a vote for which is best.

Shawshank In A Minute is a hip-hop version of the classic flick The Shawshank Redemption, and is one of the most interesting things I've seen in a while. The actor who narrates the video sounds very much like Morgan Freeman, and the video quality is terrific. Check it out here. I think it's worth the look.

The Break-Up

The Break-Up, written by Jeremy Garelick and starring Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, isn't a typical relationship movie. It doesn't have a quick, exciting pace nor an I-didn't-see-that-coming ending. The central characters aren't perfect; in fact, sometimes they are selfish and controlling. And mean. Most times to each other, but sometimes to family and friends. So, The Break-Up ain't That Girl, or Ozzie and Harriet or Father Knows Best. Nope, it's better than those vanilla-flavored lies force-fed the American public for one simple reason:

It's real.

Vaughn and Aniston meet and fall fast in love, and move in with each other. After several years, it's apparent they've grown apart. She's matured personally, and become quite successful professionally. Vaughn, however, is pretty much the ESPN highlight-watchin'-- beer right after work grabbin'-- I'll get to that right after the game promisin'-- guy she met years ago. Aniston thinks a break-up will snap some sense into him, so she tries that as a tactic to save the relationship.

It doesn't work. At least regarding the relationship. But, while the events that unfold over the movie may not save the relationship, they help shape the characters into better people.

To me, that's the success of The Break-Up. It points out that many times the poor decisions we make in relationships are simply the result of not knowing how to get out of a personal or professional rut. Bad relationships can sometimes evolve because we take our significant other for granted. And once in a while relationships go sour because we haven't grown emotionally with our partner.

And like the central characters in this movie, when we finally get around to figuring out those problems, it's often too late to fix them.

So, The Break-Up isn't a great movie with a typical look and feel. But I liked it because it forced me to think, and reflect upon some important aspects of my own life. And, it made me hug Mrs. Film Geek a little tighter after the credits finished rolling.

Give Me My Prize

I don't pay much attention to promotional events. Hell, I've never won as much as a free scratch-off at the 7-11; that Gold Rush game going on at AOL is way outta my league.

But, the game today did catch my attention. It is a ten-question quiz where the quiz-taker must guess upon which novel a particular film was based. It's pretty interesting, and doesn't take long if you wanna try it. (There's even a The Big Lebowski/Blade Runner tie-in.)

If you do, post your score. Mine was 10 for 10.