If only I had a pet... But, there's still hope.
Although not having a pet keeps me out of that specific part of the audition, I very well could have the skills necessary to be successful in landing a spot on the Stupid Human segment of the show. (At least that's what Mrs. Film Geek tells me.) With her encouragement, I've come up with a list of personal reasons that will certainly ramp up the "wow" factor for the Late Night judges.
1. I continue to drive my Ford Taurus, even though the "check engine soon" light has been on, constantly, since March, 2003;
2. I sat through two-thirds of Basic Instinct 2;
3. "I don't understand why you buy that rap shit. Rap's a fad, and it's gonna die soon, man. Just like disco." ~Me to my younger--and hipper-- brother. Fall, 1982;
4. At age 42, I just discovered that not everyone can fart the opening drum beat of Queen's "We Will Rock You" on command, and at will. And I continue to find that odd...;
5. "How much for that file folder? It's my wife's birthday, and I wanna get her something special!" ~Me to the Assistant Manager of The Office Depot. June 14, 2006.