Thursday, October 11, 2007

Flashback! Bad Movies That Haunt Me: In Search Of Noah's Ark

In 1976, the single-screen Groves Theater in my hometown of Summersville ran Rocky for six consecutive weeks.

Six!

The flick sold a lot of tickets, so I can understand why theater management held it over for so long. But The Italian Stallion was bogartin' the screen, and holding me back from my entertainment options!

It probably didn't matter much anyway, because Rocky wasn't a movie my parents had an interest in seeing, or in making sure their eldest 11-year-old son saw. Nope, The Film Geek's parents weren't really into the PG scene, so the few movies we did attend as a family typically had "Disney" in the title, or involved religion.

Although I liked
Gus, I would have preferred Rocky.

One of the worst movies I recall seeing with my family at Groves Theater was In Search Of Noah's Ark.

With the tagline: "The greatest discovery of our time," In Search Of Noah's Ark was really a documentary in which producers tried to intertwine myth and science to produce tangible results to validate their beliefs. But there were serious flaws with the production:
1. The science was bad
2. The theology was bad
3. The special effects were bush league
4. The film relied on exaggeration and innuendo to make it's point


I hated Noah's Ark, but not for the reasons listed. Getting out to see a movie with my family was a pretty rare occurance, and something I really looked forward to doing. And although I watched it with buttered popcorn and Goobers, watching this movie was less like family time and more like attending a church service.

And I did enough of that already.

I'm still haunted by it.


7 comments:

Rebecca said...

I've never seen that one (or heard of it). After that review, I'll definitely pass on it!

Jackie Lantern said...

Awesome post! It sure beats my family night-out seeing "A Thief in The Night". I haven't been the same since :(

Remember that?!?!

Spike Nesmith said...

1. The science was bad
2. The theology was bad
3. The special effects were bush league
4. The film relied on exaggeration and innuendo to make it's point

Wow... are you sure it wasn't "Raise The Titanic" you saw??

The Film Geek said...

Steer clear of it, Rebecca! It's haunting!

Jackie: Those movies sure scared the hell outta a bunch of kids. I figured this a long time ago: any god that wanted people to worship him outta fear wasn't that cool a guy to hang out with, anyway.

Spike: I wish!

Elvis Drinkmo said...

I think I'm going to have to see if they got this one on Netflix. It sounds entertaining as hell (no pun intended).

The Film Geek said...

Let me know what Captain Kirk would think about it, Elvis!

primalscreamx said...

That happened to me (sort of) when on a slow afternoon, I was talked into seeing Cocoon. I was 15.
It was all about love, life springing eternal... blah, blah, blah... aliens... Steve Guttenberg. I think the grandfatherly Wilford Brimley was a romantic lead in the movie.
I got about halfway through it before I decided I could just go home and mow the lawn.
I still can't watch it and am naturally suspicious of people who tell me it's something special. It was a deal breaker once with a girl I wanted to go out with. She dug it. I hated it. We stayed friends, but only friends. A man has to have principles.