Race To Witch Mountain

The title of this remake of the nearly-classic Escape To Witch Mountain gives it all away.

Race.

There is very little of the 1975 original in this modern version. Sure, there is a tip of the hat to Eddie Albert's character, Jason, and some funny gags for UFO nerds like me: there's a Dr. Friedman (named for a famous UFOogist), a thinly veiled mocking of conspiracy-king David Icke and Whitley Strieber has a cameo. Even the actors who played the young siblings in the original flick each have small roles in the new movie.

But trust me: none of the gimmicks make this movie watchable.

I feared I hated the movie because of my love for the original. The longer I think of it, it's just not true. Sure, there are things I enjoyed about the original that I missed in the new version: things like a plot, solid story-telling, reasonably good acting, dramatic moments, an unfolding explanation of the kids' powers and where they were from. Call me old fashioned, but those elements made for a fine movie-going experience.

Race To Witch Mountain starts and stays fast paced, uses tons of pyro and follows illogical plot-lines. (Sure, I can accept a couple of alien kids with powers, but a pre-built underworld below a Nevada mining shack?!?) But there's no substance to be found: nothing to make you connect with any of the characters, and nothing to help carry the suspense. Race invites an audience to the theater to watch it move fast and blow things up, and forgot about being entertaining.

This movie is a disaster from the beginning to end.